6/30/09
-TRAVELOG-
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO DETROIT? Boy what a slum! Actually their airport is nice, it has a train inside the terminal on the roof. You'd think there'd be a ton of black people sitting on a curb while a building burns in the background but it was actually kind of nice. There were a million asians though.
I flew first class to san francisco sipping orange juice out of champagne glass. Both the flight attendants were flaming gay, by the way. One of them was creepy and gay, but the other was swell, plump, and gay, and was a very kind man, although he did kill himself midflight by sharpening a complimentory bread stick and stabbing himself in the eye. You tragedy.
Arriving in san fran was dope, we flew in formation with two other jets and landed at the same time. The one behind us was hit by a large bird and exploded above the runway. When we stepped in to the terminal there was about seventy thousand people standing at our gate, staring at me. I then proceded to fight my way to the bathroom where I took the worst shit of my life, probably based around the avacado, blue cheese, and fudge salad I had on the plane.
Our driver was waiting for us in the baggage claim. He was very old and black and his name was charles barkley or something like that. We followed him in to a moving walk way which was surrounded by a rift in space-time or something and ended up in a parking lot. His car looked like something you would use in a mafia drive-by, black old car, black windows, high tech computer shit on the inside. We both put on shades and hit the road.
after several minutes we crossed over a tall overpass and finally the city was in view. There was a traffic jam so the car movement was stopped but motor bikes found it appropriate to drive in between the lanes of cars at ninety miles an hour. Finally down in the city the first thing you see is a man sleeping on the sidewalk. The next thing you see is a painting on the side of a building that says "is your dog bulemic? here's the signs...". We end up in the financial district of the city, with the big stupid towers. We end up pretty much in the center of the city, next to the apple store. There were huge gay flags on every lamp post and all the workers in the hotel were gay. Also there were a lot of asians in the city. Like, there's china town, but there were at least thirty billion asians in san francisco.
The room was nice, but I had to sleep on a pull out couch due to the dead woman on the bed. The fridge was well stocked with all kinds of booze and goodies of which I helped my self to. We went around a few blocks and ended up in union square. We found a place to eat called puchini and panini which was a disaster full of sea urchins (old women) and asians. I had spaghetti and my head asplode.
I got back to the hotel and watched Watchmen for the first time. Pretty fucking retarded movie. Lots of little butts and dicks, which I appreciated, and Rorshack is the biggest badass ever, but other than that, pretty retarded movie. When the movie finished I turned out the lights and went to bed. The light from the building next door out the window was really bright and it took me an hour to figure out that I could close the curtains. I looked outside and in the building next to me directly across in the window was a very old man, staring at me. I looked at him and he looked at me and a single tear ran down his stupid face. he then put a pistol under his jaw and blew his head off. I closed the curtains and went to bed.
The next day we raped san francisco. We saw everything, the parks, the chinese tea garden, up and down every fucking street, up to the highest point in the city where the big radio tower thing is. Sutro tower. We went to the warf where I bought a hat and my grandma yelled at a hispanic fellow who she thought was an chinaman. I apologized to the man. We went across the golden gate bridge, took pictures, and came back. Stoped at the palace of fine arts where I chilled with birds, and china town, where we ate lunch in a secret resturant twenty feet below a laundrymat. I had shitty chicken and chow mein. I went in the a china store and browsed airsoft pistols. I ended up buying a small budda idol and a sword which looks like something used by shredder from ninja turtles.
For dinner we ate at a steak house with the slowest service ever. I had a beef thing. It was not so fine. We went next door to the hotel and slept. In the morning I turned on the news and there was a thing about the new iphone. The guy was reporting live from an apple store. I recognized the wells fargo next to it. I looked out the window and sure enough, across the street, there he was. There was a HUGE line in front of apple store. I decided to get dressed and check it out. I ran across the street while the news was just packing up. There were bouncers in front of the door and a sign that said Iphone line starts here. I walked in and was bounced out by a large black bouncer. he said, "what you here for?". I replied, "Ipod cover". "All right, you gotta stand over here man". I moved againsed the wall in a line of two, including myself. The bouncer waved a guy over and whispered in to his ear and then looked back at me. The guy he called over ran in to the store and brought out a pretty hot chick. "This guy needs an ipod cover" he said. The girl told me to follow her and we went up several flights of stairs and around a corner in to an area that looked like a library except with ipod covers instead of books. I spent half an hour looking at ipod covers while the girl waited for me. I picked out one that was relatively straight and she escorted me downstairs to a sales area. I was told to wait in line, where I stood for about an hour. I was finally helped by a large fat gay man who was very slow at counting cash. he put my cover in a huge bag and I quickly absconded from the store. Shortly after the store exploded as I was walking away. In slow motion I put the ipod cover in my jacket pocket and slipped on a pair of shades.
It turns out that the same mexican who drove us around the city the day before was also taking us out of the city because of the massive tip my grandmother gave the guy. I got my shit together and we hit the road. After several hours we arrive in lake tahoe, stopping at a shitty grocery store to pick up frozen food and booze. When we get in to town and climb the mountain to the hotel, we could'nt get a room with a view of the lake (because there was a mountain in the way) so my grandmother flipped the fuck out and made us leave the place. We spent about two hours looking for a place to stay and ended up in a hotel resort thing on the water. It was very nice, being three stories of log cabin and bedrooms. I decided, because i'm an idiot, to pick the hottest bedroom in the building, the one with no AC vent or fan and windows that don't open. That night I died from heat exaustion and was never heard from again.
The next morning I got up at three thirty to go shoot pictures of the sunrise over a waterfall with my grandmothers brothers wife's son. My cousin? It was great and worth the effort. I got a bunch of great pictures. Especially of this one guy who jumped OFF the waterfall. Then we went to another waterfall which I ended up climbing up and photographing all over. Lotta fun. For lunch we went to IHOP and I had a burger, chicken, onion rings, and some cheese thing. Moments later I took a shit which literally ripped me a new asshole. Or at least a wider one. I ended up cooking a massive frozen food dinner for everyone consisting of hotdogs, macaroni and cheese, and pizza. I burned my hand pretty good being retarded and reaching in to the oven without gloves.
The next day we spent seven hours looking for jeans because my only pair ripped (in half down the middle). It turns out there was a kmart in the middle of nowhere, despite my grandmothers best efforts to put me in leather, looking in stores like 'harley davison' and 'clothing and leather'. We went for dinner to a place called Riva Grille who had the best short ribs I've ever eaten. Mind blowing. I wish I could say the same about the rest of the meal. They had live entertainment, playing the standards of the depression era, such as 'Fire and Rain' by james taylor a song he wrote about a girl he met while he was in a mental institution, and the girls parents got her out and when they were flying in a plane, the plane crashed. "Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground". I've seen fire and I've seen rain, I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again. Tears my heart out. Any way, after dinner I spent the rest of the night shaving off all my hair and spying on a guy outside his house.
We drove down to Reno Nevada, managing to tear off one of the cars bumpers on a crub on the way. It was kind of weird going from snowey mountains and trees to a fucking desert. We stopped in Carson City, across from a government assembly building, at a resturant called the fricken fox or something like that. I had wings that were not hot enough, and a chicken wrap or something wich was drenched in honey mustard and awesome. The service was so slow, however, that I had to seat ourselves, get the menus, and hunt down a waiter. After lunch we drove for another half an hour or something until we arrived in Reno. Our hotel was right on the highway, but somehow it takes ten minutes after you get off the highway to get there. Diabolical road system. Hotel was nice, as nice as or better than all the places we've slept on the trip. Considering it was a holiday inn, that's very good. After we got settled we drove over to our cousins antique shop, and then to their house for drinks. One exhillerating conservative conversation later we're off to a casino in the heart of the city for dinner at a jewish deli. We go up an escelator just to walk down a flight of stairs. We wind our way past a thousand slot machines and several eateries which were all delis for some reason to this little shit hole at the end of the casino, we tried to cram six people in to a four seater booth which was a disaster. I had chili and a burger which both made me shit bricks later. Later at the hotel I watched an NCIS marathon until I passed out.
The next day we rode a shuttle to the airport, which is also a hell hole. Probably the biggest reoccuring theme in Reno, hell hole. We walked to the terminal through a thousand narrow corridors and on to the plane. Southwest planes apparently have no sections, it's socialist flying as one person put it, so because my grandmother's a cripple we got on first, in to the first row of seats. The flight attendants were EXTREMELY casual, barely wearing uniforms, they all looked like ex staples employees. We flew in to chichago several million years later coming in low over some shitty looking houses that were all the same. We didn't fly in to Ohares, we flew in to the new one. Chicago was nice, I wouldn't mind living there. We ate at a little place honoring the life of Harry Caray, the baseball announcer. Good food. Back at the airport we borded the same gate in the same type of plane on the way to fort lauderdale. the flight was uneventful until the end when the pilot seemed convinced it was necessiary to go ace combat around the T-Storms near the airport. He lined up the landing about thirteen seconds before we hit the runway. I slept on the cab ride back to the house, got in around midnight, slept immediately afterwords.
THE END.
6/7/09
OH HI GUYS!
So school's out. I'm on break. My work is under renovation so I'm out of a job for now. On the other hand, I'm still working on the skiing site which is coming well. I can devote a lot more time to it now that school's out.
I've been drawing a lot. Like comics and stuff for some reason. I might scan them some time but some of it is stuff I wouldn't put up on the internet. I've also been writing a lot, like a WHOLE lot. I restarted refuge and have also started one or two other stories.
So have you guys heard of DUBFX? I think HIS MUSIC's pretty SWELL. I'm not really sure what his style is. It's like raggae-rap-house-world mixed. Very excelent. Love somone (Beatbox part 2) has a great beat and great lyrics.
I'd also like to redirect your attention to a MOVIE TRAILER for a movie based off a short film that came out a billion years ago. It has potential and knowing peter jackson there's probaby going to be some massive 'wrench-in-the-spoke' plot twists along the way.
What else. Oh, I've also become stupidly good at the piano. Not professional, but I know my way around a keyboard. I need to sell and buy and new keyboard so I can use midi cables to hook up to my mac and start making music. That'll be fun.
In other news, more modern combat 2 shit came out. COOOOOOOL. Looking forward to kicking some ass. My brother is anticipating Assassins creed 2, which I'm still on the fence about. Regardless, he's paying for it.
By means of other shooters. BF1943 is set for XBLA pretty soon, I think that's gonna be a blast for people who are 1942 veterans, and people who have played bad company. Can't wait.
